he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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