You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i believe in u and ur pee
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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