a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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