I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize