Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
