I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
