So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
