I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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