Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
