ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize