I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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