i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
