If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
