this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
