btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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