Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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