is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
