I heard we made out
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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