Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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