Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
