So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
