My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
