im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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