Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pooping to opera.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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