Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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