You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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