Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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