i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
