So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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