I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
