hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ttyl tear gas
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
