I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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