I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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