My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
