dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We need a shit load of segways right now
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize