Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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