I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
