i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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