She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
