Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
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