Are we in a gay sports bar?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
