her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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