I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
