I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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