if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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