I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
