have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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