is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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