Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We just shotgunned beers for America
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
