I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
