I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
