dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
