I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
