my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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