matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i think i have two assholes
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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