So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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