Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Two words: blizzard sex
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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