I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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