Do you still have your period?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
