Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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