I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize