Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
