i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
