Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
