How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
