Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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