I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
