After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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