im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You took a bar mat shot.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just pee around me
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
