And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
