that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
