he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
