I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
