she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
