Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
