just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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